Dating is just finding someone whose trauma matches yours like a puzzle piece.
Romantic, right?
He said he wanted to “keep it casual.”
So I casually never texted him back.
He told me I was “intimidating.”
Translation: I have standards.
My type?
Tall, funny, emotionally available… and fictional.
Why do I keep dating the same guy with a different face?
Because apparently, I like red flags in different fonts.
He said he doesn’t believe in labels.
Okay, deodorant.
I don’t chase men.
If he’s not a latte or Amazon package, I’m not running.
He ghosted me and came back 3 weeks later like nothing happened.
Boo 👻
I asked what his intentions were.
He said, “To vibe.”
Sir, this is not a Coachella lineup.
He said, “You’re too much.”
Boy, I’m barely trying.
I went on a date with a guy who didn’t believe in astrology.
But somehow he was still a walking Mercury retrograde.
His idea of a date was watching me pay for both of us.
I call that a finance lesson, not romance.
If he wanted to, he would.
And clearly, he didn’t. So I did.
Dating in your 30s is wild.
Like, do I ask about his favorite color or his credit score?
I love love.
I just hate everyone I meet.
He said he liked “natural girls.”
So I naturally blocked him.
Why do men always say “I’m not like other guys”?
Because they’re worse.
I treat dating like job interviews now.
Except I’m the CEO and he’s underqualified.
He said he wasn’t ready for commitment.
But he’s had the same barber since 2006.
Men will say “you’re wifey material” and still treat you like a paper plate.
I’m done dating for potential.
I’m not a startup investor.
He asked if I was “high maintenance.”
No, I just have taste.
“He’s got a good heart.”
Okay, but does his brain work?
I texted him “good morning” once.
He thought we were married.
I don’t need a man.
I need tacos, skincare, and a nap.