Top 25 Marriage Jokes for April 2025

/ Marriage Jokes / By
  1. Marriage is like a deck of cards.
    In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
  2. My wife and I were happy for 20 years…
    Then we met.
  3. Marriage teaches you loyalty, patience, understanding…
    …perseverance, and a lot of other words you’ll need when writing your apology.
  4. A husband said, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
    “I don’t like to interrupt her.”
  5. Behind every angry woman…
    …is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
  6. Marriage is just texting each other, “Do we need anything from the store?”
    until one of you dies.
  7. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
    She said, “Somewhere I’ve never been.”
    I said, “Try the kitchen.”
  8. Why do married people live longer?
    They don’t. It just feels longer.
  9. My wife says I never listen to her…
    …at least I think that’s what she said.
  10. Marriage is when a man and woman become one.
    The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
  11. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
    She looked surprised.
  12. My wife and I always compromise.
    I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.
  13. Marriage is like a workshop.
    Where the husband works and the wife shops.
  14. Wife: “Do you want dinner?”
    Husband: “What are the options?”
    Wife: “Yes or no.”
  15. My husband bought me a mood ring.
    It turns green when I’m happy, and red when I’m about to kill him.
  16. Getting married is like installing a phone app.
    You agree to all the terms and conditions, but you have no idea what you just did.
  17. Before marriage: He talks, she listens.
    After marriage: She talks, he sleeps.
  18. Marriage: the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
  19. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
    I had to put my foot down.
  20. Husband: “You look beautiful.”
    Wife: “You just want sex.”
    Husband: “And you’re smart too!”
  21. In marriage, you learn two important words: “Yes dear.”
  22. My wife and I play this fun game during dinner.
    It’s called “Guess what mood I’m in.”
  23. Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
  24. Wife: “Let’s go out and have some fun.”
    Husband: “Okay, but if you get back before me, leave the light on.”
  25. Why do husbands usually die before their wives?
    Because they want to.